Blood and Bone

John Chard

2016-02-07

70%

Profanity is a brutal vice. He who uses it, is not a gentleman. Michael Jai White is one of the baddest men on the planet, so it was inevitable that he would follow in the footsteps of Van Damme, Seagal, Norris etc etc into movies. A martial artist of supreme skill and deadly grace, White brings not only his imposing physique and skills to the film, but also a moody poise to the role of Isaiah Bone, an ex-convict who infiltrates an underground fight circuit to avenge the murder of a friend. There is absolutely no surprises in store here, narratively speaking, but the action, the choreography and the editing are high grade stuff. So strap yourself in and roll with it, let the kinetic fury grab you, and rejoice as another martial arts expert enters the fray late in the day. A terrific action film, hoo-hah! 7/10

Blood and Bone reminds me of a character in The Boondocks who had an irrational fear of going to jail and being anally raped. Here's an action movie where the difference between success and failure, victory and defeat, ultimately lies in the ability, or lack thereof, to avoid being sodomized. From the very start, writer Michael Andrews and director Ben Ramsey put the hero, Isaiah Bone (Michael Jai White), in a situation that could potentially get quite tight. In the prison lavatories, Bone is ambushed by a group of inmates with less than honorable intentions. Bone is of course a euphemism for the male organ (Isaiah is the name of an Israelite prophet from the 8th century BC, but I don't think there's much symbolism there), so we know that the hero is all man, and as such, he's not about to let anyone make him their bitch. Bone takes care of the would-be cornholers in typical MJW fashion, and I have to assume this happened immediately before his parole hearing, because by the time the opening credits have rolled, Bone is a free man. Basically, the whole point of this scene is to establish the main character's uber-heterosexuality. Bone goes to Los Angeles, where underground fights are taking place. One of the participants is gay, and in fact wins his fight, but don’t expect this to be some kind of 'empowerment'; the character, called Mommie Dearest (Ernest 'The Cat' Miller), is billed as "the homicidal homosexual, the crazy savage, the fear-inspiring queer [and] the battle-butt bandit," and fights in a wig with curlers. Fortunately, we never see him again. Bone makes a deal with street promoter Pinball (Dante Basco) to get him into the fight scene. That same night, Bone meets mob boss James (Eamonn Walker). Over the next few nights, Bone makes a name for himself on the underground fight circuit, defeating every fighter in his path and winning thousands of dollars in cash for himself and Pinball — though one guy refuses to pay, stuffing the money down his crotch presumably under the impression (and I don't blame him for trying) that this is where Bone draws the proverbial line in the sand; sadly for the dude, greed trumps homophobia. To make a dumb story short, James wants Bone to fight for him, Bone refuses, James coerces him by threatening someone else, Bone agrees while conceiving a plan to betray James, yada yada yada. There’s other stuff, but the climax is the highlight of the movie because it features the diabolical Julian Sands, as well as a Final Battle between Bone and a Badass in a Nice Suit (the outcome of the fight itself is also rather clever, as it turns out). When the smoke clears and the dust settles, James is arrested and thrown in the same prison from the opening where, during the closing credits, he is attacked in the showers and sodomized with a makeshift dagger — a fate that James, whom Bone has figuratively emasculated (even amputating his hand with a sword, very unsubtly emphasizing the idea of ​​castration), lacks the physical or moral fortitude to avoid. Perphaps they should have called this Don’t Drop the Soap: The Movie.